“When are you guys having kids?” Oh, the dreaded question. Don’t get me wrong-it’s a candid question that I used to frequently ask friends and acquaintances. It’s also a question is all too familiar for both my husband and I.
After being married for 6.5 years and celebrating our 30th birthdays this year, it’s somewhat “expected” that my husband and I would have children at this stage in the game. We desire to have a family and know that in His timing that desire will finally come to fruition. However, we have been in a season of waiting for almost 2 years.
It’s a season that has taught me more about patience, hope, and trusting in the Lord more than I ever cared to experience. I know there is a reason for this period we’re going through, and that God will ultimately use it for His glory, but it doesn’t make the waiting any easier.
When we found out we were expecting last summer, we were beyond ecstatic. Our prayers had finally been answered! It was an elating time, until the first ultrasound when our desires were shattered. In a distressed tone, our doctor told us that this pregnancy would not be viable and would ultimately result in a miscarriage.
As he showed us the screen and revealed to us what he was looking at, I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe for what felt like an eternity. We didn’t care about the fact that this was “common” and happens to many couples. In what could and should have been one of the happiest moments in our life, it quickly became one of the worst days we have experienced.
In the days and weeks that followed, I cannot describe the peace that I was able to walk in; the peace that comes only from Jesus, and that’s supernatural. There were so many moments where I cried and shouted to God, angry, confused, upset and questioning why we were given a partially fulfilled desire. Why everyone else seemed to be given what we have been longing, praying and hoping for. Yet, I was able to find peace that passes all understanding.
Some days all I could read was a verse from Psalms. Other days, just meditating on one or two verses brought comfort. One verse that I continuously read was Isaiah 66:9- “I will not cause pain without causing something new to be born”. I’ve asked the Lord what this “something new” is that he is going to birth, and am recognizing that even if it’s not a child right now, there are other things He has called me to do during this season.
Christine Caine wrote, “God requires our obedience before our understanding.” I’m learning that I might not ever understand why we are waiting to become parents. It is my job, however, to follow God’s calling on my life and walk in obedience during this trial, no matter how difficult that might be. I choose to trust Him in all seasons; even the ones that I don’t understand. He is faithful, and He is always, always on time. Click To Tweet
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